July Referral?

I have been hesitant in writing about our adoption journey to our little monkey. Our adoption program hit a wall of uncertainty this past November and the timeline for our adoption increased exponentially. We were honestly blindsided by the news that the program had slowed down -- and so suddenly. We believed that we would be home with our newest addition by March 2012 -- now we are into May and have yet to receive our referral.

It has been hard to be openly excited and enthusiastic about our journey because of the uncertainty we have experienced over the past six months. Although many others have experienced similar (or worse) slowdowns in their adoption journeys, we have no prior experience with slowdowns or changes to our program. Maelyn's adoption journey followed the timeline that we expected and although the wait was excruciatingly long, we knew what to expect at each turn.

I have found our second adoption journey to be quite different from our first. This time we have Maelyn to distract us while we wait -- making it a much easier wait. On the other hand, I now know what it is like to love a little one as only a mother can and I feel more of a loss with this next child than I did the first time around -- now that I know.

I know how long two years truly is for a little one -- the growing and learning that takes place daily -- and I mourn the time we have already lost with our little monkey. Most likely, our little monkey is between 18 months and 2 years old right now. He or she has been a part of the world since Maelyn came into our lives. The entire time we have spent with her, her brother or sister has been growing up in China. My heart hurts for the time that we have already spent apart.

We received a call from our agency this week and they left us a message saying that they feel with certainty that we should be receiving our referral for our little monkey within the next 8 weeks. Wow! It is possible that 8 weeks from now we will finally know if we have a son or daughter -- a brother or sister for Maelyn. It is finally starting to feel real!

I cannot wait to hear the words, the words that first bring a child into an adoptive parents heart and soul. With Maelyn it was, "Congratulations, you have a daughter." A daughter. Be still my heart -- I am a Mom!

I have a deeper understanding of what referral day really means. It is the day you first know who will become a member of your family -- the day your family and your heart expands. It is a day that can only be matched by the day he or she will be placed in my arms.

I cannot wait for the day that we can hug our little monkey. When his or her giggles makes us smile. When we can kiss away the tears. When Maelyn becomes a big sister. When we are officially a family of four.

For now we wait.