Sisterly Love

Sisters -- such an important relationship and one that I am so happy that Maelyn and Ailee get to share with one another.

When we first made the decision to once again grow our family through adoption, we talked a lot about whether or not we would specify the gender of our next child. In the end, we decided that we would once again be open to either gender, but we have to admit that we were thrilled when we found out that Maelyn would have the chance to experience the special relationship that only sisters can have.

In China, Maelyn was a wonderful big sister -- compassionate, caring, and very willing to share her Mommy and Daddy with Ailee. When we got home, however, Maelyn really struggled with the idea that Ailee was now a permanent member of our family and all of the 'stuff' that comes along with that change.

Ailee is on the move all the time -- especially when she first saw the playroom in our house and the toys that she could play with. The problem was that Maelyn was most definitely not used to having to share her toys with someone all the time.

The first six to eight weeks home were tough. Very tough. Maelyn was angry, sad, and struggling. She took out her feelings on us. She dealt with her frustration and confusion by lashing out physically at her new sister. We weren't getting any sleep and dealing with Maelyn's tantrums and moods was not easy. In fact, I don't think we handled it well in the beginning -- we just didn't have the head space for any of it at the time.

After a few weeks and feeling slightly more grounded, I called Lianne and asked for advice. Putting her advice into action, I had a conversation with Maelyn where I sympathized with her about how difficult it must be to share her toys with her sister. I sympathized with how difficult it must be to share what used to be her space. You could almost see the weight lifting off her shoulders as we talked. I also told her that when she felt that she needed some alone time, I would put the gate up at the doorway of the playroom and I would give her some time away from having to share and give her some space.

We also made the resolution to stop reacting negatively, mostly due to lack and sleep and therefore patience, and to instead model the calm behaviour we were expecting of Maelyn.

And within a few days, it changed.

Maelyn and Ailee started connecting as sisters. I stopped having to police their every moment together -- although there are always the typical squabbles that happen now and again. But, they play well together and they have fun together. It makes this Mama's heart very, very happy.

Now that more time has passed, Maelyn and Ailee are so very connected. They often spend time hugging, giving kisses, and chasing each other around the house, squealing and giggling. I couldn't ask for anything more. We are truly a family of four.

Playing with snow in the house on a snow day...

Ailee, copying her big sister, who isn't feeling well...

Getting ready to leave for school...

Sisters