Searching...

This is a post I have thought long and hard about - to share, not to share - I wasn't sure what to do. In the end, I am going with my gut instinct and what works for our family.

Every child is different and unique - and this also applies to how a child reacts to being adopted and their desire to know about their past. Some children want to know every detail that they can find about their past and others prefer not to know. Maelyn has always been the child that wants to know - needs to know - as many details as possible.

We have always been open in every way possible about the adoption process with family and friends. We truly believe that it normalizes a sometimes 'different' process. We have taken the same approach with our kids. We have always been open to discussing their first families, time spent in the orphanages, and anything else they have been curious about. Over the past few years, Maelyn has started to ask about searching for any clues to her beginnings. Knowing that we would be making the trip back to China, we started this search in January of this year.

In keeping with respecting Maelyn's privacy, I will not share this post in its entirety. As a family, we discussed how we would handle sharing the story of our search. Many families choose to keep it private, but we knew that that wouldn't work for us - we do not want the story of her search and the resulting events to be kept a secret, but to instead be integrated into our everyday lives. What this means is that I will post this blog from my perspective only. When the girls meet important people in their lives, such as their nannies and foster families, I will not post about the girls' reactions, feelings, or emotions. I will post my interpretation of the events and share photos that Maelyn feels comfortable sharing.

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In January we connected with a searcher that is well-known in the adoption community. After weeks of gathering the necessary paperwork, we sent them to her so that she could begin the search. Her cousin and work partner was able to spend a few days in the small town where Maelyn was found. We were fortunate enough to visit this area in 2012. Our searcher noticed that a signature on a piece of paperwork we sent to her was the signature of a doctor. He spent a few days visiting the hospitals and searching for the doctor. At the last hospital he visited, we were very fortunate and amazed that he was able to find her and that she was willing to speak with him about Maelyn. In the end and after a few conversations, she was able to share with us some important and identifying information about Maelyn. We now had the names of Maelyn's birth parents!

The odds of locating a birth family in China is quite low and not an easy process. We never expected to be able to find any information on her first family, but to be able to let her know that we did everything we could to find out as much as we could about her beginnings. Now, we knew that we would be heading down a different path and we were thrilled for Maelyn that there was a possibility that she might get some of the answers she was looking for.

Armed with this information and on another visit back to the town, our searcher connected with a police officer who was able to direct him to the home of Maelyn's birth parents. The next morning, he went there to introduce himself and the reason for his visit. In Canada, we were waiting anxiously to see if this connection would become a reality - and it did!

We now have frequent contact with Maelyn's birth parents and her three sisters - aged 19, 15, and 8. While we are in China, we will be meeting the family and will be able to spend a few days with them. Our connection has been very positive - better than I could have hoped for - and we cannot wait to be able to meet our extended family in person.

We are also fortunate enough to be visiting other important people in the lives of our children - the doctor and police officer that helped us located Maelyn's first family, Maelyn's foster family that she lived with for two years, the police officer that found Ailee and brought her to the orphanage, and both of Ailee's primary caregivers in the orphanage.

Again, the reality of knowing Maelyn's birth family is not something that we will keep secret in our family. She should feel free to share about her family at any time. This is our new normal and we believe Maelyn is blessed to have two moms, two dads, and a lot of sisters! We all share Maelyn's love and take great joy in simply expanding our family.

What a trip this will be!